Dating Advice: From My Personal Vault
My first dating lesson on what quality men want and need from a woman
One of my greatest life lessons occurred when I was 22ish- it involved one of my deepest loves, a gentleman significantly older than I. He was a well traveled and educated CEO of a local company, with a penchant for cigars and woodworking. We were on our way home from our second date and fast approaching the freeway exit for my apartment. For half the ride all I could think about was how I wished to date this guy, but what could I give this man who seemingly had it all? So I asked.
My “a-ha” moment on what men want and need from a woman
I began: financially I was just able to pay my bills, my first flight was only a couple years before, I was working 3 jobs, my savings account balance was zero, I was lacking a degree, and I was not a super model. What could I possibly give him other than my respect, love, attention, affection, joy, and laughter…? As I shared, his smile grew larger and larger. While he agreed to the truths in my statement, I was failing to see that there is no amount of business success or wealth that he or I could build that would be as rewarding and valuable to him as the intangibles I offered. I was one of the most beautiful women he had ever met and he was seeking a lady who could give him what he could not give himself. What an “a-ha” moment for me!
I realized that day I needed to honor, embrace, and value the beautiful feminine energy/emotional gifts I bring to a relationship. I recognized that I did not have to be this fierce warrior style woman, it was safe for me to not have it all figured out, and I didn’t have to prove anything to him about my independence or what was or was not on my wall of accomplishments. This was such a liberating feeling and it had a profound effect. It’s been one of my most invaluable dating and relationship lessons I have learned.
See, far too often many single women out there in the dating world get caught in the trap of feeling they have to prove their strength and independence through their accomplishments. They think by going “toe to toe” with a man regarding their respective accomplishments proves equality. Many women think they should be valued and attractive to men because of their accomplishments and independence of not “needing” a man. In reality, most healthy quality males will respect you for your hard work, accomplishments, and independence however typically that’s not what they are seeking from you as a perspective partner. Its honorable that you can pay your own bills, fix your own stuff, etc … but are you openly allowing a man into your world and allowing them to be men? Can you be vulnerable, emotionally available, and give them the “intangibles” they want, need, and attracts them to you as a woman.
What men want and need from a woman
Most healthy, strong, accomplished men are attracted to and fall in love with women who respects them and are willing to be vulnerable, share, and give from their heart and emotional side – to engage them with feminine energy. Yet, many strong single women are scared to be vulnerable, to express their emotions, and too often don’t know how to do either safely. Instead of pushing themselves to knock down walls and drop defenses- to be vulnerable- these single ladies lead with their masculine energy when trying to attract and date men and ultimately repel many quality healthy, “date-able” men instead of attracting them.
If you are frustrated or struggling with dating, reach out to me. You don’t have to go it alone; I am here to help guide you.
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