Dating has become confusing for both sexes. My female clients often times question why men don’t ask them out. I hear over and over women sharing stories about how they went out and had this wonderful conversation with a man that they found attractive and then the man simply did NOTHING at the end of the conversation. I tend to chuckle and ask, “Did you try asking them out? Did you ask for their email address or phone number? Did you go back on the system and re-engage them letting them know you had a great time and asking them for a cup of coffee?” 9 times out of 10, I know the answer and can predict the look. Often times my female client will say “No, should I have? Do you think it is ok for me to do that? I didn’t know?”
If your upbringing was anything like mine you were raised with a very traditional parent(s) that would tell you how dating was to work. These were my father’s 6 Rules to dating:
1) You never ask for a guys phone number.
2) Men are to call you, you are not to call them.
3) You never ask a guy out. If he likes you, he will ask you out.
4) You never kiss a guy on the first date nor do you ever kiss the guy first.
5) He is to open car doors, doors to establishments, pay for dinner and your activities.
6) He is the leader of the relationship.
This is what I know about dating now vs when I was a teenager and had to follow “the rules”.
1) I know if I want to attract a man I can attract whomever it is I desire. I am that confident in myself and because of this I do all the points that follow below.
2) I WILL make the first move if he does not. I do it fearlessly and with an over abundant amount of confidence.
3) I WILL follow up with an email that night and share with him that I enjoyed our conversation and ask him out for a cup of coffee
4) I WILL kiss on the first date but leave it up to him to make that move. If he does not I will be the leader on the second and kiss him if he does not kiss me.
5) Yes, please on opening my doors, pulling out my chair, walking beside me when it is wide enough and walking behind me if we need to go single file. Yes, pay for dinner and yes be the true gentleman that I am sure you were raised to be. This is the only rule I did not scratch from my fathers rules of dating.
6) I have no problem starting out as the leader but only to get things started. I am attracted to very strong men but even a strong man at times needs a little help out of the gate or a big proverbial slap up against the head to wake him up to the fact that “YES, I was attracted to him” and once we get past that first coffee, second date kiss thing… he then picks up the reigns. I have found men appreciate this. They like knowing I can lead if I desire but I also can allow them to lead as well.
Men that are no longer in their 20’s find dating to be very confusing. The don’t know what the dating rules are anymore. Do I call her or wait for her to call me? When she did this did it mean she liked me or not? How long do I wait to contact her? Do I open the door or not? I could write this list forever. Women are also having these very same questions. My advice to all of this is… keep it simple. If you like a man, then put yourself out there and ask them to a cup of coffee. What is happening is women are still believing that men should make the first move while men are not sure if they are suppose to. Men miss so many of our ques and also wait to long to contact us after first meeting. Men get stuck and we simply need to help them along at the beginning of the process. So don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. Have realistic expectations, be direct and confident in asking them out. Just remember confidence is SEXY!
I’m interested in hearing your thoughts, please share them by commenting below.
Do you still follow the “dating rules” your parents taught you?
Which “dating rules” do you “break”?
What rules have you come up with on your own and why?
Latest posts by Kimberly Koehler - Dating CoachKK (see all)
- Dating Advice: Love, Pain, Healing - April 5, 2016
- The Great Love Debate: Get Your Tickets for the Final Week of the Minneapolis Tour - January 26, 2016
- 6 Conversation Exit Strategies to Use in a Social Setting - January 23, 2016
- 5 Tips to Get The Most Out of Your Great Love Debate Ticket - January 20, 2016
- Are men really attracted to strong women? - January 17, 2016